Always a Blogsmaid

It's Out There!

Ladies, the new wedding mag's are out on the stands, if you haven't noticed.  The new InStyle Weddings has some great tips on working with more affordable blooms to achieve a chic look (hint, they start with a C) while Martha Stewart Weddings features one of my FAVORITE color combinations:  Lilac and RED.  I've been rocking that duo since I was in high school (it involved a purple calvin klein jean skirt and red vans.) And, if you can get your hands on a New York Weddings, you will find some very helpful hints from yours truly, including a tiny photo of my head.  As usual, the editors there have pulled together the best wedding info for New York City brides as well as some of the strongest wedding style editorial around.  We're thrilled to be included, and to be in the great company of some of New York's best and most creative wedding professionals.

Bad Bride

The Q: I know this is going to be a strange question but you have such great advice for everyone, I thought I'd give it a go. Two months ago my boyfriend asked me to marry him and I enthusiastically said YES. Shortly after this though, my mind started spinning as I thought of all the planning and preparation we would need to do for the wedding and reception. Over the last few years I have had an unhealthy amount of family responsibilities and for the first time in my adult life I have some time to myself. Thinking of all the wedding plans started to really stress me out. When I discussed this with my fiance, he immediately offered to take on most of the planning duties which I thought was funny and cute and awesome. I accepted and immediately felt better. I thought the problem was solved except that now several of my friends have started commenting that it doesn't make any sense for me to miss out on the "fun" of planning a wedding. One friend of mine even told me that it was mean of me to give those responsibilities to my fiance. On top of that, they are all pressing me about who I will have as my Maid of Honor, etc... I feel like a bad bride but I don't think I have the energy to be what my friends would consider a good bride. Help!

The A: Bad Bride, don't let people get you down. You aren't bad at all actually. Not everyone finds joy in planning all of the details of their "big day". In fact, that is sometimes why people hire us! If your fiance is into the details of how to make the day come together and doesn't seem burdened by the process, I don't see anything wrong with this reversal of typical gender roles in the wedding planning process. Honestly, no reason at all to feel badly. Tell your friends and nay sayers that millions of grooms out there have no idea whats going on with their wedding plans, and no one says anything to them. It's your party with your fiance, other people's opinions aren't really of issue here. The important part is that you were excited to MARRY this great guy. Often that gets lost in the process of planning a wedding. Good luck to you and enjoy the surprises you find on your big day.

Dream vs. Reality Budget

The Q:"Is it really possible to have my dream wedding in NYC and stay on a budget?"- Sam in NYC

The A: Yes... and no. It's totally possible, but it involves 3 disciplines, Compromise, Restraint and Resolve.

If you know that budget it important, it's important for you to accept compromise as a part of your wedding planning process from the outset. Do I mean settle for less when it comes to your dream day? No. But I do mean identifying areas that are of the UTMOST importance to you, prioritizing those and maybe deciding where you can go "Loehmann's" in other areas.

"Loehmann's" wedding planning means that you don't need to go highest end, retail price for every single service. You should find areas where you can find "designer discounts". For instance, let's say you know for a fact that you want So and So Photographer. He is 10,000. (don't gasp, its possible here in NYC) This is the most important thing for you. You also love the work of Such and Such florist. They do the most interesting things and you are just in love with their designs. However, you realize that the Photographer is the MOST IMPORTANT thing and this is less so, and you have a strong sense of what you like and what you want things to look like. So instead, you shop around online for a floral provider who seems to be able to emulate a few different styles. You bring in your photos and clippings of arrangements that you like and you get a quote that's much more reasonable, because perhaps this florist isn't as famous or does greater volume, etc. That is a Loehmann's approach to wedding planning. It isn't less fashionable, but it is less expensive and you pick and choose your "splurges".

So, in addition to compromise of expectation, I think the other tip is to CONTROL your guestlist. If you can do this, you can splurge on what happens with each guest versus simply paying to get people to the table. This will involve some restraint. But if your dream day involves a 4 star meal and a fine wines and the best band ever, then you MUST control the number of people if you are on a budget. However, if your dream involves everyone the two of you have ever known being there, then you should re-think the need to have everything be really high end.

And that really brings us to the final idea, which is Resolve. When on a budget, your worst enemy is indeciscion and uncertainty. If you don't know what you like or what you want or what style of wedding you want, you will have NO guidelines with which to direct your budget. If you don't know if you want a black tie, sit down dinner or a casual buffet, how will you set a catering budget and how will you know if you can afford 75 people or 175 people? How will you decide? You must decide the kind of atmopshere and style of wedding you want in order to make your life easier. For instance, if you are the couple I referenced above who wants everyone on the planet at your wedding reception and you look at your budget, you might realize "OK, I think that necessity is going to dictate buffet, so let me wrap my head around WHY I wanted everyone there- is my real dream to be dancing and partying with all these people that we loved? If so, then let me not stres out that we're having buffet (because that's totally acceptable) and let me focus on the entertainment and the drinks and making the large celebration the focus of the party.

So, yes, you can have an amazing wedding, but I think the real advice is to adjust your "dream" wedding around the things that are most priority to you and it will be much easier to find satisfaction in your wedding planning process.

Venue Alert!

Last night we went to a WONDERFUL party hosted by the magnificent people over at Great Performances Catering at 620 Loft and Garden. Totally a wedding Sexy 10 for the couple looking for something intimate AND spectacular.

Who is this venue for? The client with a ceremony and reception of 60 -80 people, or cocktails and dinner for 85 or so. It's tentable, but is far more breathtaking when it's totally al-fresco. Even in the freezing cold and jacketless, I couldn't get off of this terrace. Though, when I did, the indoor space, while intimate, is wonderful. Sleek and sexy in this ArtDeco building on Rock. Plaza, this is a great, simple space that can feel elegant, modern and intimate.

This elegant venue is perfect for the couple looking to splurge on an intimate affair of their closest friends and family. I've been dreaming about how romantic this would be for a wedding since we left!

Destination Consideration

The Q:  “We would really like to have a destination wedding.  Are there any special factors that we should consider before we commit?”

The A: When contemplating a destination wedding, things to consider are the relative mobility of your important guests and cost implications for your guests.
If your family and friends are young and mobile: meaning able to freely and comfortably travel by airplane or train, then it’s a fantastic way to really enjoy those closest to you in a relaxed vacation setting.  However, should you find that your favorite Aunties are too feeble to travel, you might want to weigh the importance of your setting vs. having all your family and friends around you?
The other factor is cost to your guests.  Destination weddings are generally more expensive for guests than a standard local wedding.  They involve flights, several nights at a hotel and wedding gifts.  The association costs may be too great and some invited guests may opt to not attend.   You should consider the cost to your most special guests prior to “pulling the trigger” on booking a destination wedding OR a particular hotel.  If your sister, for instance, has several children, it might be an extraordinary expense for her family to pay for this trip.
Ultimately, destination weddings have become so popular because they are fantastic fun for everyone involved.  It’s just important that your “VIP” guests can be involved if it’s a destination wedding.

Hi's and Low's of planning with Mom

The Q: “My fiancé and I are very, very low key people.  We are very casual and very easy going.  My mother is not nearly as casual or low key, and since she and my father are helping us pay for the wedding, she is very vocal about her opinions.  I really don’t know how to handle this and am looking for some help.”

The A: This is a conundrum- since purse strings often come with opinions and sometimes opinions lead to demands.  However, ultimately, this is a question of style and in this sense, you need to be vocal about what you don’t want.  However, before you even broach the conversation, you should decide how flexible you are willing to be.
Perhaps you don’t want to have your reception in a hotel ballroom or your parents country club, but you don’t mind the general wedding format: ceremony, cocktails, sit down dinner of 2-3 courses and a wedding cake.  Perhaps you can say, “Mom, I don’t want us to argue over what this wedding will be like. I’m willing to have a sit down dinner reception, but I would like to select the venue.”
Ultimately, you both must accept that you will need to compromise.  But you need to be vocal about what you are willing to do and what you just don’t want, in a specific way: I don’t want to wear a formal gown; I don’t want guests in black tie, etc.  You should then ask her what it is that she WOULD want, knowing that a totally traditional wedding in a traditional venue is off the table.
If there really is no point of compromise on this reception, you still have a couple of less desirable options:  you and your fiancé could take charge of your rehearsal dinner or brunch celebration and have it be an event that really reflects your personalities; or you can consider financing the more low key celebration on your own, but I would only do that if you can do so in a way that doesn’t hurt your mother’s feelings.

He's feeling Groovy

The Q:  How can I get my groom to be more involved in the planning?

The A:  FINALLY! An answer to this question that doesn't involve a torturous tasting or dragging him to the flower market:  Ladies, get ready to email your groom to be the link to GROOM GROOVE!  The site is not only hub to get the guys more involved, but they now have videos outlining the duties of the Groom and your for your clueless, but sweet, best man!  They have succinct articles that give them the gist of what they should know and there is nothing girly about it! 

The Joan Hamburg Bridal Event

Hello Brides out There!  Sorry for the short post today, but wanted to let you know, if you are in New York City this weekend, Joan Hamburg, author of the New York City Weddings book and radio host at WOR radio will be hosting a bridal event with Bridal Reflections at the Metropolitan Building this SUNDAY. 

Rehearsal Dinner in Brooklyn

The Q:  We are getting married in a park in Brooklyn and having our reception in a loft space downtown in Brooklyn and want something local for our rehearsal dinner.  Any suggestions for about 40 people?  -Shana

The A:  Totally!   Here are my favorites in Brooklyn, specifically, downtown!

Pete's Downtown:  This is a Brooklyn staple.  Located downtown across from the River Cafe, their private room can hold up to 60 people.  They offer wonderful, casual Italian cuisine with great service and reasonably priced bar packages.  It's a cozy choice. 

Frankie' s Spuntino:  The Stable at Frankie's is so gorgeous and serene, it will make for one great evening.  The cuisine is served family style and the restaurant is simply chic.  If you are about great food and drink, this wonderful little spot is fantastic!

My new little Secret (not anymore) Mojito in Clinton Hill on Washington Avenue:  Located near Steiner Studio/ Stage Six in the Chocolate Factor (people always mention this fact, but frankly, there isn't any chocolate there now, so who cares) this cute, romantic Cuban restaurant will close for your party of 50-60 for, what are literally bargain prices, including their trademark Mojitos!   This is easily the best "bargain" group meal in Brooklyn, but there is nothing bargain about the cuisine- beautiful plated dinners of the most delicious Cuban foods you've tasted!

Negotiating Venue Contracts

The Q: "i placed a deposit to reserve a date in may 2009 for my daughters wedding. Is it too late to negotiate a better price or for a better deal . The place is a popular beach side reception site. iif its not too late which is the best way to go about getting a better deal, via price or service wise. Im not the best at negotiations."

The A: This is tricky. If you've ALREADY signed your contract, then there isn't really that much that you can do.... However, if you've just placed a deposit but are finalizing your terms, then you have some wiggle room. Here are some pointers (and if you aren't very good at negotiating/ you get nervous asking for things, send an email with questions/ requests and then go over them via the phone with your sales person).

So, here are some general points you should look into/ ask about. At the worst, they say no right?:

Vendor meals: You should negotiate or ask for a couple of free vendor meals, or a reduced vendor meal. The vendor meal should also be the hot entree that your guests will be eating (not necessarily the beef selection, but the chicken, for instance) and not, say, a cold sandwich. At the very least you should be paying about 1/4 of the guest price for these vendor meals.

Tax on Service Charge: You should NOT pay tax on a service charge. Some venues will try and say that a service charge is not the same as a gratuity, but regardless, the principal of it is the same and you should not pay tax on it. What this means, is if your venue is $100pp, and there is a 20% service charge and 8.375% sales tax you SHOULD not be paying more than $128.38 per person. If they are charging you tax on the service charge that would look more like $130.05. While not a TON of money, it adds up AND that amount only gets higher the higher your price per person is!

Parking FeesIf you aren't in a public park or something like that, try and negotiate better parking rates.

Coat Check, etc.Another Item you should try and get thrown in or reduced rate.

OvertimeTry and get overtime rates charged on the number of guests THERE at the time vs. the total number of guests.

Rental Pick UpSome venues require that any linens, or rentals that you bring in MUST be out by that night. This can sometimes cost you a lot of extra money- for instance there might be a $600 late night pick up fee for ballroom chairs you brought in. See if they can hold the items until the next day or the Monday morning.