The Q: We have a lot of out of town guests and my mother is insisting that I invite them all to the rehearsal dinner because that is proper etiquette. I am sort of conflicted, I don't want it to seem like a second wedding. How should I handle this?
The A: This is a growing issue as more and more weddings involve lots of out of town guests. Obviously, you want them to feel welcome and provide your guests with an activity since they came all this way for you, but also, you are holding one wedding, not two.
One thought is to go in the complete opposite direction of your wedding the next day. If it is semi-formal or formal, consider finding a family style Italian restaurant for the rehearsal dinner or even a brick oven pizza or BBQ restaurant. These are usually both more economical AND will strike a tone that is strikingly different than your wedding reception.
The other thought, and I've been doing this with our clients more and more, is to host a "meet and greet" cocktail. It's less formal and rigid (and costly) than a full dinner, gives your guests a chance to mingle and can be held in your headquarters hotel or a bar local to that hotel. It also still can preserve your more private rehearsal dinner where your family and wedding party can make toasts in a more intimate setting. Don't feel compelled to cover the bar all night long- you can pick up the first couple of rounds, or an hour or two of beer and wine, and if your guests want to stay all night, no one will stop them!
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