Always a Blogsmaid

Helping Someone in Need

Hi Everyone. A friend of Mayra's is currently in need of some help,and if you can take the time to participate, it might literally save a life. She is 26-years old and has been diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML), which is a cancer of the blood. She is undergoing chemotherapy at present but needs to find a match for her bone marrow transplant by June 21st. Michelle is a Chinese-Vietnamese American. Her match is most likely to come from a person of Asian descent. Unfortunately, very few Asians are actually in the registry and this makes it very difficult for doctors to find them a match.

Today, there will be a drive to try and find her a match.

Gama Restaurant at 12 St. Marks
Place in the east village on Sunday, June 22 from 5PM to 9PM.

If you are unable to make the drive, but would like some more info on how to be potentially tested to see if you are match, please shoot me an email and I'll get you the info. Time is of the essence and thank you for reading this.

New Venue: The Edison Ballroom

Last night we were lucky enough to check out a NEW venue that opened here in NY:  The Edison Ballroom on 47th Street.  It's very very cool, but not for the Wedding Faint of Heart as it's  BOLD and needs a BOLD color pallete to make it work.  The space is actually the former Supper Club and it has some of the most wonderful detailing I've seen around town.  Unlike some of the other historic "theater" like space, the ceilings are relatively low so you can appreciate the details the accoustics (AND THE DJ) were FABU!  It's a great idea for a couple looking to have something less than traditional or retro-themed OR a VERY cocktail feeling party. The food provided in house was fantastic, (sushi stations, mini-burgers, raw bar) but you can bring in whatever caterer you want.

It can seat nearly 500, but could also go much smaller.... I'm waiting to get rental rate info from the venue, which I'll add to the post, but here are some photos.  It's a "raw space", so remember that you'd need rentals too.

We have a great intern here this summer named Tiffany who is a student at UT.  I had been feeling really badly about the fact that she is stuck schelping table linens around the city and literally I asked her to get me coffee the other day (which I then felt SOO badly about for the rest of the day, I can't even begin to tell you) until I realized that we always invite her and a friend to all these great parties with open bar.  I don't know about you, but when I was 21 in NY free drinks were worth a coffee run! Here are some photos of  us at the event last night.

Overjoyed: Thoughts on First Dance Songs

Last night, I had the Amazing privilege of seeing Stevie Wonder (one of my all time FAVORITES- I simply play out his stuff at the office) at Jones Beach.  To say it was a musical highlight of my life is an understatement- the man is a living legend and he has a song for nearly every thought or emotion one could have.  If you haven't gone to a concert at Jones, you should try and do it this summer, it's amazing- even though it rained on us early on, hearing such awesome music with lightning and waves crashing in the distance is just really something..... (here, photo of the theatre and me waiting out the rain!)

In any case, let me get to the PURPOSE of the post.  So, Stevie did a lot of our favorites, including Overjoyed.  Mayra turned to me and said "Isn't it so weird that so many people choose this as a first dance?" To which I completely agreed.  The song is basically completely about unrequited love.  It speaks a lot about being overjoyed and over loved over you, but basically in DESPERATE anticipation of reciprication.  Not really about mutual love and admiration at all.....  I responded "Ribbon in the sky seems on the surface cheesier, but is actually a MUCH more appropriate wedding song." 

Here is the thing, and I can't tell you how common this is: Many people select really REALLY really inappropriate wedding songs.  I'm not trying to be the Lyric Police and Obviously, sometimes we have personal reasons for picking a song, and I think that can't be understated, but I thought it was a good reminder of the importance of listening to song lyrics....  Sometimes band leaders will make suggestions and, since it's not the '50's, it's hard to figure out what "your song" is.

I thought I'd also make some suggestions of some LESSER used AWESOME first dance songs that have certainly gotten me a little bit misty!

Jack Johnson, Better Together
If this world were Mine by Cheryl Lynn and Luther Vandross
By My Side, Sade
Every Time I Close My Eyes by Babyface
All the Way by Frank Sinatra
I'd Rather by Luther Vandross (especially if you've been together off and on for, like forever...)
You're my Best Friend by Queen (a little fast, but good)
Ain't Nobody by Chaka Kahn  (also a little fast, but good)
I want to Thank You by Alicia Myers (Again, fast, but Soo cute)

Send me your suggestions, if you have them, I'd love to add to the list......

Cruising......

The Q:  "my daughter has decided to have a destination wedding.  she is thinking of having everyone go on  a weeklong cruise and at some point get off on an island and have a champagne and cake wedding.  or at best have a wedding on a cruise ship.  she feels it would be less hectic and much less planning involved than a regular church and reception.  In your experience would it be that way and do u have any ideas.  I tell her to really think about it.  It seems so much more costlier for wedding guests.  Thanks in advance."

The A:  I actually have PRETTY strong feelings about this issue, so reader beware, that this is loaded with my "opinions" and not just professional advice. As I've previously posted, while destination weddings can be a lot of FUN FUN FUN for your guests and family to get to bond and have a great time, the WAY in which you do it can make or break this being a fun, easy and relaxing event for all vs. a source of stress and contention.

A cruise sounds great, but a week sounds really excessive.  It's a lot to ask people to commit an entire weekend of their time and money to a wedding, but a whole week involves infinite amounts of scheduling, child care (potentially) and financial issues, so I think that if this is an idea she wants to explore, a weekend cruise might be the best and most extensive way to go.  That said, I think that how good of an idea this is, depends on WHO you are inviting.

Look, when people make up a guest list you have people who get an invite because you are hoping they will come and then there are people who get an invite who have no choice but to attend (your sisters, for instance, your BF from childhood, your godmother).  Before you commit to a destination wedding it's important for you to consider how much of a burden or strain this choice will be on THOSE guests.  The ones who simply must "figure it out" and get it together to come.  If you find that there are too many of those guests to count, and you (or your daughter) aren't able to manage to make it more convenient for them, then it's a bad call.

Generally speaking, the more comfortable destination brides aim to make their guests, the more involved and STILL STRESSFUL the planning becomes.  If your daughter really wants this to be a no-frills, no-stress affair, then everyone will need to adopt the attitude of "no obligations, no hard feelings, if you can come you come, and if you can't, no problem!"

Hope that helps!

Wino!!

The Q:  "Dear Always a Blogsmaid:
If I go to or host another boring shower, I'm going to vomit.  I've made so many ribbon hats and TP wedding dresses this spring, I could gag. I'm an MOH at my BF's wedding this fall, what can I do to make her shower a little bit different?"

The A:  What a great question.  While I've been singing the praises of Co-Ed Showers and Bottino for a while now, I have been holding this question for the NEXT great idea when it came right into my lap!  And Low and Behold, there it was by way of a phone call with the lovely ladies at Swirl Events. Swirl is a team of COOl GIRL sommeliers who will put together a tasty wine tasting for you and a close group of girlfriends. From wines to cheese and chocolates (I just gave myself a headache!!!)  they do all the work. They have cool packages where they can either help you and your shower guests or party guests find the wines for your wedding (perfect for all of my loft brides) OR even an ECO Chic package, which will let you all taste the most organic wines on the market today. 

To make it even more fun, they can make the party US Weekly approved-  taste wine and compare it to celebs. As an option, their tasting note cards allow guests to debate whether that Sauvignon Blanc they're drinking is a Nicole Kidman (elegant and austere) or a Britney Spears (starts off great, but ends in disaster)?

I say put on your Winehouse wigs and get Wino for the next shower! (Imagine how fascinating the gift opening will be by the end!!!  Prices from $55 per person!

Shot Gun Wedding???

So, since here in NY, we know just HOW very hard it is to get a good price on a great wedding, I thought I'd give you all an inside scoop on a "Hot Date" at a VERY prominent venue here in NY (think views of Manhattan).  Hot Dates, in event industry speak, are dates where an event was set to be held, but for various reasons, was canceled or moved.  They are often booked CLOSE to the date itself and can be gotten at a bit of a bargain.  The Hot Date in question is JUST around the corner, August 9th, 2008, to be exact, and the venue can hold up to 275.  It is at least a sexy 7 or 8, and while not cheap, you'll notice the discount my dears.....
If this mysterious post piques your interest, shoot me an email and I'll give you more details!!!

Wedding Angel

Yesterday, Mayra and I were thrilled to be invited to Bride's.com , authors of the Wedding Bits Blog luncheon for Wedding Bloggers.  It was a fun filled affair filled with some of my favorite favorite bloggers including Margit from Simply Stated, Jaime from It's a Jaime Thing, our friend Vane from  Brooklyn Bride, Bee from Wedding Bee, as well as fabulous blogging ladies from Eco-Chic Weddings, Perfect Bound,  Wedding Dish, From I Will To I Do

We were treated to a fabulous chat and show and tell with the wonderful Angel Sanchez!  He told us all about coming to NY after doing bridal couture for many years in Venezuela and the challenges and joys of designing for the many brides who he doesn't always get to meet, but who love and marry in his amazing gowns.  He 2009 line has something for every bride, from romantic to sexy and sleek. I was able to ask him for his thoughts on accessorizing Bridal gowns for the every day bride and he was up front and Coco Chanel about it- less is more.  Veils are a must for him, necklaces much less so and simple little earrings.  SHOES however, he is uncompromising about.  I also picked his brains about foundation garments, because many a busty bride has a cup that runneth over and doesn't always know the best wedding solution.  His answer, suprising me anyway, MAIDENFORM.  He said less, in terms of adornment, is more and boning is the only thing that really matters when you are trying to keep things in place!

Here are a couple of the great things we got to check out in person yesterday. Thanks to the people at Wedding Bits for having us!

Fitness for Friends?

The Q:    I want my bridesmaids to all look beautiful at my wedding. Would it imply too much if I gave them all gym memberships?

The A: Well, on the one hand, while I commend you for wanting your girls to look as beautiful as possible, I don't know if this is EXACTLY the right approach.  I think it implies that they need a lot of home repair before they can go on the market, rather than the intention which is you want them all to shine.

SOOO, first, if the aim is for them to all shine their brightest that day, then I suggest you consider gifting professional hair and make-up and let everyone's bodies just be.  HOWEVER, if you yourself are a fitness freak, and it's part of your personality and they know and get that, it could be fun if you set up a wedding bootcamp with your girls.  Maybe you see if they'd all be down to meet with a trainer for groups or go for a group pilates class together once every couple of weeks.

I think the main thing is, you can make it an activity, you can let them know you want them to all look amazing, but don't imply that they aren't cool and lovely the way that they are.  That never really goes over well and it makes you look more like the ultimate in Bridezillas than anyone's really good friend......

Still, I again commend you. After having seen brides instruct make up artists to "make the girls pink like piggies" or heard clients ask for "the bridesmaids dress that will make me look the best comparatively" I appreciate the sentiment greatly!!!

NWR: Passing of a Legend

I'm on vacation this weekend, but Mayra and I felt it was important to acknowledge the loss of a journalism legend, the amazing Tim Russert. For political junkies and people who simply love news, he was an icon. For people who have read his amazing Father's day book : Big Russ and Me, it's the loss of someone who represented the importance of family and prioritizing the ones we love. His family and friends must be devastated, and our thoughts go out to them.

Afraid of Commitment

The Q: Dear Always a Bridesmaid:  I am desperate to use your services. The only problem is that I can't seem to get my boyfriend to commit. I mean, how long am I supposed to wait for him to propose?? I feel like the gollum chasing after the ring. Should I start leaving cut-outs of rings I like? Should I mention in passing that I like cushion cuts? Help me. If it works we both win. I get a ring...and you get a client.  -Commitment Oriented

The A:  WOW. First, off, readers, I should tell you that I actually get a lot of questions that aren't really wedding related.  I've finally decided to start answering them periodically. I get a lot of career advice questions and, actually, a lot of emails kind of like this one, SOOO, remember, this is just one girl's opinion.

Dear Commitment Oriented: Thank you so much for your enthusiasm about our services and I'm sorry that you seem so stressed.   I want to start off by saying that NO, absolutely NO, you should not NOT NOT leave cut outs of engagements rings around the house.  You should not even have wedding magazines in the house unless, of course, you're also a wedding planner, but then, you wouldn't be writing to us, SOOO. NO WEDDING MAGAZINES IN PUBLIC.

With that out of the way, I should say that I don't really know what the situation is here with you and your boyfriend.  He either falls into one of two categories:  A) He is simply commitment-phobic and against getting married or B) it's something that you've talked about, he knows it's on the horizon, but he just doesn't seem to be following through and actually taking action.  Generally speaking, you see more conversions of Type B guys into Grooms then you see Type A guys, but both kinds of conversions are totally possible.

There are lots of guys out there who might have been afraid of commitment, but they meet the right girl, or they feel it's the right time and then they are GAME.  These guys are in my office every day, and I'm at their weddings on many weekends.  Then there are the other guys who manage to dodge and duck commitment at every turn, sometimes throwing away wonderful relationships in the process.  I often watch boring sporting events with those guys.   

Here is the thing:  if the man doesn't just wake up one day and decide that he's ready, the only other way to the commitment is through subtle trickery.  Not deception, I mean, you love this guy, hopefully, but subtle trickery.  I didn't just make this up, I've heard this from guys and I've seen it successfully in action. Trickery though, only works if the concept of marriage is even in play.  If the idea of marriage is not even on the table, stop reading here and re-consider the relationship if you've been together for a minute and the idea of marriage is a priority for you.

So, back to tricks.  I've literally had guys say to me "I don't know when we decided to get married, we just did, and then we were looking for rings."  The most successful method that I've seen has been to simply identify a month, mention it frequently in conversation and once it seems that there are no objections, you just start making plans.

This sounds crazy, right?  Well, it happens all the time.  I should say though that OFTEN the price for victory through trickery is total and complete lack of romance and surprise.  Only you know if that cost is worth it because it's a personal decsions.

So, Perhaps you say "Hey, hon, what do you think about getting married next May?" See what happens.  If he's like, yeah sure, then there you go. Wait a week or so, and say "So, if we were to get married next May....." and see what happens.  If he seems on board, try again a week or so later.  Then start making some appointments to look at venues.  See what he says when you mention the appointments.  If they go well and you see something you like, put a soft hold on the place.  And then wait.

Then you can start talking about rings and things, but if you must take it extreme, start mentioning to people you both know (your families, friends, whomever you think can handle it without making a huge thing about it) that you are thinking of getting married in May.

At some point, hopefully before the wedding is planned and paid for, you will get a ring.

The other thought is from my grandmother's school: You won't buy the cow if you can get the milk for free.  Actually executing from this adage is much more emotionally traumatic for everyone, and is not always effective.  But, basically, in this instance,  you give an ultimatum.  Marriage or else. The question is what happens if he doesn't take it?

So,  only you know what  it's important to you and if this is the right person and the right time, but hopefully some of this might have been helpful. I'm sure I'll get lots of hatemail for this.  Remember, it's just what I've SEEN work for other people!