The Q:"One of my fience's groomsmen just told him that he can't be in the wedding party due to fnancial constraints. Of course my fiance is bummed because this is one of his dearest and oldest friends, but he understands. He would like to ask another friend to take his place, but the wedding is a little over three months away, and we're afraid it might hurt that guy's feelings. I'm fine with the uneven numbers, but my fiance wants to include someone else now that he has opportunity. Should we ask someone to step in or will it be offensive? And if we do ask, how should we go about doing it? - Beth"
The A: Beth, this actually happens so much more often than you know! I think I have a real Oprah take on this type of thing: it's the intention behind something so dictates the response. Because your fiancee sincerely is open to the opportunity to include another of his friends in the bridal party, I think that by all means, he should extend the invitation. In fact, I think it would be great if it came from you both.
I think a thoughtful phone call, or getting together to take your friend for a coffee or a drink if you are in the same city would be a great occassion to explain that you would like for him to join your wedding party. Let him know that you contemplated not replacing your member who can no longer make it, but realized this was a wonderful opportunity to include a friend that you had wanted to include but couldnt do so before due to size constraints. You should let him know that you hope he realizes that you don't want him to feel like he was an afterthought, but rather that you had been concerned about the bridal party getting out of control in size and that you hope he will consider joining you.
Should he live away from you then I think a phone call and a card would be a really nice (if not slightly female gesture- I dont think dudes really do the whole "Will you be my groomsmen?" thing) since you want to be sure he knows that he is truly welcome and not a bridesmaids' escort!
Luckily, guys tend to take this stuff very well and I'm sure he'll be delighted to join. I think though, that you should make a point to be upfront about the costs when you invite him and also be sure to be respectful to the guy who couldn't financially swing participating by NOT advertising his reasons for dropping out to widely.
