Always a Blogsmaid

Physique 57: I'll be the Guinea Pig

The Q: "Do you think that there is anything to the whole "buff bride" movement?"

The A:Ladies, I totally do! I was a pilates nut before my wedding, desperately attempting to whittle my waistline to to handle the rather large waistband of my dress. (I still love my dress, but generally, I try and avoid wide waistband.) Anyhoo, I feel that most girls end up looking their best before the wedding anyway, but a shock to the system in the form of something new ALWAYS helps. So when Physique 57 sent me materials announcing the start of their BRIDAL COUNTDOWN, I was pretty intrigued!

Physique 57 is one of those things that you often here mention of in magazines involving the words Paparazzi. They utilize the Lotte Berk method, which seems like a little pilates based, sort of ballet based (I saw Barres in there, which got me excited- I wonder where my ballet box is!?) stregnth training based training system that has the women on the website looking amazing! The classes are about $30 a piece and the bridal program suggests that you take 2-4 classes per week for 1 month for noticeable results. They offer several bonuses such as guest passes for your new hubby and discounts on Make up sessions at the Bergdorf counter!

In my little packet was a 2 class pass and so Im going to be the guinea pig and I'll tell you all about it. Remember: I love fitness, so I'm biased, but I'm excited to give my review. For those of you intrigued enough to go it on your own, check out the website (and the cute logo- so Holly Golightly)
www.physique57.com

Bridal Shower Drama: A Bridesmaid's Dilemma

The Q:I am the Maid of Honor for a friend from high school.

I am out of state and live 3 hours away, but have no problem being involved in the planning of events. Originally I was going to throw the Bridal Shower with the help of the bridesmaids who all live in the same town as the bride, but the mothers (of bride and groom) took over and told me they would throw the shower. Fine, no problem and I don't want to cause problems, so I oblige.

I am a freelance worker and it just so happens that this week I was asked to produce a job the weekend of the shower. Freelance work always seems to come up at the last minute. I make all my money from freelancing and anyone who has ever freelanced knows that when good paying jobs come along, you have to take them. I accepted the job, a 3 day gig that is paying me the same amount i normally make in 2 weeks. I told my friend I couldn't make the shower due to work and she was v. upset and responded by saying sort of meanish things. Am I totally wrong for staying home to do this job ( i mean I do have to make money to pay for the expenses of being in the wedding, also the travel costs) or should I have given up this very well paying gig to attend the shower?

Thanks for the help. Trying to do the right thing, and make a living!

The A: Wow! Well, the first thing that I'm going to say is that I've been on every side of this coin and I've witnessed my clients experience this from the Bride's end many times, and unfortunately not much is going to (in the immediate future) change her mind about feeling hurt or sad by your absense. Each bride is different and some girls are totally easy going and feel that their wedding shouldn't be the focus of anything and other gals feel that each moment is a memory in the making and should be treated as such. Neither set is wrong.
So, that said, I feel like you are not necessarily wrong for not going to the shower. It isn't the same as the wedding, this is true. And, as someone who started a business from scratch with Mayra, we've had many weekends where we've had to turn down social occassions because a chance at making money came up. And, my good friend, who was a bridesmaid at my wedding and who lives out of the country, was not able to make it in for my shower and I totally understood the expense and the time involved.
But, the one thing is that I can't help but comment on is that it seems that there are two things going on here. The first is that you wanted to be involved and to put your mark on the shower for your good friend but then you were shut out and the shower was taken away from you. (FYI, to the general reader, it's not considered proper etiquette for your mother or your MIL to host the bridal shower in any way. Even if they choose to help fund the shower- which many mothers do- the hosting duties should fall to the bridal party or a special friend or relative) It seems that perhaps that move, totally not the brides' fault or anyone's fault, made you feel unnecessary and made your presence there feel unneeded. And so, when the freelance work came up you felt much more inclined to take it perhaps?

The real reason the bride wants you there though is not because you were a great host or because you came up with great games or anything like that but because she wants you around her at this special time and she wants to feel that you think it's special too. To her choosing work over her shower seems like an action statement about prioritizing her wedding events. Even if it isn't.

Luckily, its not too late to make ammends and to clear the air and let her know that she is special. Take some of the money that you are making on this great freelance gig and arrange for flowers to be sent to her the morning of her shower to wish her a happy bridal shower (or better yet, send them to the shower location) OR send her mom a video message from you that she can play of you hamming it up clapping and saying ooh and aah as if you were watching her open presents. OR you can send her just an amazing note or card reminiscing about the times in High School when you imagined your shower and your wedding day and be sure it gets there BEFORE the big. The main thing is to let her know that you care.

Freeze!

The Q: O M G, I heard you found the MOST amazing, instant wrinkle reducing cream?"

The A: O, I totally did! Not since I went to a Barney's event and got the Tracy Martyn eye patchy things have I been this excited about a beauty product. I had a little freak out! Saturday, Mayra and I were doing a walk through of the boathouse (amazing day here Saturday, btw) and decided to pop into Saks because we got lovely gift certificates there from a past client (yay). I walked in with a gift certificate and still managed to walk out spending a decent amount of my own money, but that's the lure of Saks for me. It's cryptonite to my check book really.

Anyway, I had a new bag under my arm and was thinking about my impending "MAJOR" birthday and the bags under my eyes when I saw it! The FREEZE 24-7 counter. I'm not a big beauty product person. I still use Oil of Olay basically, and I think I look pretty good for my age, but the impending birthday is playing a mind trick on me and late nights at weddings, etc. etc. I thought I'd try it. I SAW AMAZING IMPROVEMENTS RIGHT THERE!!!!

Before we could even tell the woman what we did for a living she was telling us how great this product is for under your make up on a special occassion like a WEDDING and how it's so much like a lotion that she, as a make up artist has put it on a few grooms' faces who over did it at their Rehearsal Dinner!

The results on my left eye were so great that Mayra tried it too and the next thing you know I was at home doing demonstrations on my husband. "Don't I look younger??"

For $115 for a 6 month supply it's a daily way to feel a little fresher and a little more firm, even if it's just to get you over the hump of your wedding stresses!

www.freeze247.com

Who wants to wear a Boutonniere?

The Q:"Does the Father of the Groom need a boutonniere?"

The A: Yup! He should have one, it shows that he is a person of signifigance, aka a Wedding VIP. Other people who SHOULD have boutonnieres include: brothers who aren't in the wedding party and the officiant if he is wearing a suit. If you have room in your budget I'd also pin some flowers on readers and brother in laws as well!

Guest Etiquette 101

The Q: Since I'm learning on your blog daily how to be gracious host, what tips can I learn about being a gracious guest?

The A: Oh, so much! Weekend after Weekend, (hold on while I get on my soapbox) I am APPALLED at the horrible behavior that I witness at our clients weddings- all of the atrocities of etiquette committed by guests. It's like our polite society is CRUMBLING before my very eyes!
(sigh) Anyways, I guess I'm not the only one who feels this way because the gals (and I'm sure there are some guys there too!) at WeddingChannel.com have just posted a Wedding Guest Guide! It answers such questions as "How do I know if I was invited with a guest?" or (and they phrased it more politely- "Should I get hammered at a wedding?" I will say that the issue that they tackle that is closest to my heart is "Are there colors that are inappropriate to wear?" The answer is, naturally, DO NOT WEAR WHITE. In fact, honestly, they weren't firm enough about it! The question should have said "I shouldn't wear white to a wedding, should I? and the answer, if I were an editor there would be "ABSOLUTELY NOT, buy, borrow or steal another dress to wear if you ONLY own white dresses, do NOT wear a white dress." I cant tell you how many weddings we've gone to where guests - one time it was a MIL!!! - wore white to the wedding. So many people committed this sin last summer that I started to think I was going crazy, entering a secret world where there were no rules!

Ok, back to weddingchannel! They did a good job, I hope people read it- it has smart things like "Don't verbalize complaints to the bride and groom." If I could make one addition, I think it would have to be "Should I dance on the dancefloor during the first dance?" To which I would have to say "NO" and retell the story about practically tackling a couple who never go the "Don't get hammered" memo a couple of years ago as they tried to "join in" the 1st Dance.

Check out the guide and "politely" send it to your guests :-) Kidding.
(Guest Etiquette Guide

Martha Madness: It's a Colorful World

I don't know if you've all seen this, but there is a special issue of Martha Stewart out there that is pretty fantastic. It's a special color issue that helps bride's find the color pallette of their dreams and maybe inspire you to take some chances that aren't as obvious. Color is sometimes hard since a lot of us are afraid of it, or don't do a ton of it in our everyday wardrobes, and I think this issue is a must read for brides starting to tackle the design issue. Color is the basis for the most magical looking weddings- but remember- read with caution- nothing is worse than a color pallette that doesn't "go" with your reception venue or ceremony site.
For a smaller scale tutorial on the same topic, you can also check out the last issue of Bride's.

Wedding Alternates

The Q:"One of my fience's groomsmen just told him that he can't be in the wedding party due to fnancial constraints. Of course my fiance is bummed because this is one of his dearest and oldest friends, but he understands. He would like to ask another friend to take his place, but the wedding is a little over three months away, and we're afraid it might hurt that guy's feelings. I'm fine with the uneven numbers, but my fiance wants to include someone else now that he has opportunity. Should we ask someone to step in or will it be offensive? And if we do ask, how should we go about doing it? - Beth"

The A: Beth, this actually happens so much more often than you know! I think I have a real Oprah take on this type of thing: it's the intention behind something so dictates the response. Because your fiancee sincerely is open to the opportunity to include another of his friends in the bridal party, I think that by all means, he should extend the invitation. In fact, I think it would be great if it came from you both.

I think a thoughtful phone call, or getting together to take your friend for a coffee or a drink if you are in the same city would be a great occassion to explain that you would like for him to join your wedding party. Let him know that you contemplated not replacing your member who can no longer make it, but realized this was a wonderful opportunity to include a friend that you had wanted to include but couldnt do so before due to size constraints. You should let him know that you hope he realizes that you don't want him to feel like he was an afterthought, but rather that you had been concerned about the bridal party getting out of control in size and that you hope he will consider joining you.

Should he live away from you then I think a phone call and a card would be a really nice (if not slightly female gesture- I dont think dudes really do the whole "Will you be my groomsmen?" thing) since you want to be sure he knows that he is truly welcome and not a bridesmaids' escort!

Luckily, guys tend to take this stuff very well and I'm sure he'll be delighted to join. I think though, that you should make a point to be upfront about the costs when you invite him and also be sure to be respectful to the guy who couldn't financially swing participating by NOT advertising his reasons for dropping out to widely.

Return of the The Wedding Wonder

The Q: I appreciate reading your advice, but what happened to your old blog- it was very entertaining?

The A: To my surprise, several readers have let me know that they are enjoying this blog, but they miss my old blog (www.theweddingwonder.blogspot.com) that I kept up from when Mayra and I were planning our wedding. I often refer to it as OUR wedding, when in actuality it was MY wedding to MY husband. However, my husband cared about two things (like most grooms): the music and the food. Everything else was pretty much up to Mayra and I.

Anyway, after the wedding, I didn't have nearly as much personal stuff to say, or I was afraid of incriminating myself and talking about clients (not that I would ever have ANYTHING bad to say about clients) so I sort of stopped and figured this stuff was more useful than personal stories about trying to launch a wedding and event company in New York. I was sort of wrong, because a couple of people have asked for more personal stuff about trying to get our business going. So, because I generally find change confusing, all personal musings on weddings and work, etc will be filed under "The Wedding Wonder" category. And I promise I won't fill this page up with two much of what's on my mind.

Especially because what's on my mind is SOO boring! I'm in our new office space waiting for a furniture delivery! Mayra and I take turns with the sort of stinko jobs like this and this time it's my turn. We finally moved out of our little office in the back end of my apartment to a very cute, not really that small of a space on Canal Street. Once you get past the many MANY many people trying to sell you handbags (I mean, the sales tactics are uncanny- the other day I thought that I was bleeding or had toilet paper sticking on my shoe or something the way that this lady chased me down, "Lady, Lady, Lady!" She was literally running towards me so I got nervous that something was wrong and stopped. "Yes?" I said. "Gucci, Prada, Chanel?" she responded.) it's really a very cute, adorable space with lots of room for our invitations and vases and some of our linens.

I say it's not so little because, like typical NYC dwellers, we both assumed it was smaller than it is and opted to not buy too much furniture so as not to "clutter it up". We also wanted to be sure we "left room for everything". The result: Our desks are so close together, in one far end of the room, while there is about 350sf left of nothing but floor space and boxes. The boxes are filled with items that didn't fit anywhere else because we didn't purchase enough shelving. And thus, here I am, one month later waiting for more furniture.

I'm finally getting adjusted to working out of the home again, an experience which I thought was HORRIBLE (everyone always would say "oh, you must be so lucky to work from home"). I just never really got a handle on it. I could never figure out when to go to the gym, or when to shower or when to start and stop working. As a result I spent 3 years in Gym clothes all the time, seemingly eating constantly and ALWAYS working. I was either about to go to or just coming from some form of excercise. And then I would feel badly for how long I took at the gym and so I would wait to shower until I had to be somewhere. Or I'd feel badly because I was busy and never go to the gym. But then I'd feel so anxious because I'd just spent the whole day working.

Anyway, our cabinets are here (from the exotic Bronx- a ShabbyChic Craigslist find!)

Juggling Dad and Stepdad- a Down the Aisle Dilemma

The Q: "My parents are divorced, and have been since I was one, but the divorce was NOT an amicable one. To make a ridiculously long story short, I used to be close to my biological father, but then, as I grew up, I saw how many mistakes he made and what kind of person he really was. I started to grow closer to my stepdad, who is really the reason I had such a good childhood and life. I really don't know where I would have ended up had he never come into my life.

I got engaged five months ago (and have little planning to show for it), but have decided that my stepfather should be the one to walk me down the aisle. My biological father will not respond well to this (although we're not close at all and only speak around holidays and in the event of a family emergency), and I don't know how to break the news to him. I don't want to hurt him, but he has always had a gift for guilt-tripping me into things and I just don't know how to handle the situation. There is no way he and my stepfather can (or even should) share this role, so that's not an option. Also, to make matters more complicated, I want my half-sister (his daughter with my stepmom) to be my junior bridesmaid and am afraid he will forbid it when he hears that he is not involved in my big day. How should I handle this touchy situation?" - Sarah