Always a Blogsmaid

Overjoyed: Thoughts on First Dance Songs

Last night, I had the Amazing privilege of seeing Stevie Wonder (one of my all time FAVORITES- I simply play out his stuff at the office) at Jones Beach.  To say it was a musical highlight of my life is an understatement- the man is a living legend and he has a song for nearly every thought or emotion one could have.  If you haven't gone to a concert at Jones, you should try and do it this summer, it's amazing- even though it rained on us early on, hearing such awesome music with lightning and waves crashing in the distance is just really something..... (here, photo of the theatre and me waiting out the rain!)

In any case, let me get to the PURPOSE of the post.  So, Stevie did a lot of our favorites, including Overjoyed.  Mayra turned to me and said "Isn't it so weird that so many people choose this as a first dance?" To which I completely agreed.  The song is basically completely about unrequited love.  It speaks a lot about being overjoyed and over loved over you, but basically in DESPERATE anticipation of reciprication.  Not really about mutual love and admiration at all.....  I responded "Ribbon in the sky seems on the surface cheesier, but is actually a MUCH more appropriate wedding song." 

Here is the thing, and I can't tell you how common this is: Many people select really REALLY really inappropriate wedding songs.  I'm not trying to be the Lyric Police and Obviously, sometimes we have personal reasons for picking a song, and I think that can't be understated, but I thought it was a good reminder of the importance of listening to song lyrics....  Sometimes band leaders will make suggestions and, since it's not the '50's, it's hard to figure out what "your song" is.

I thought I'd also make some suggestions of some LESSER used AWESOME first dance songs that have certainly gotten me a little bit misty!

Jack Johnson, Better Together
If this world were Mine by Cheryl Lynn and Luther Vandross
By My Side, Sade
Every Time I Close My Eyes by Babyface
All the Way by Frank Sinatra
I'd Rather by Luther Vandross (especially if you've been together off and on for, like forever...)
You're my Best Friend by Queen (a little fast, but good)
Ain't Nobody by Chaka Kahn  (also a little fast, but good)
I want to Thank You by Alicia Myers (Again, fast, but Soo cute)

Send me your suggestions, if you have them, I'd love to add to the list......

Wedding Angel

Yesterday, Mayra and I were thrilled to be invited to Bride's.com , authors of the Wedding Bits Blog luncheon for Wedding Bloggers.  It was a fun filled affair filled with some of my favorite favorite bloggers including Margit from Simply Stated, Jaime from It's a Jaime Thing, our friend Vane from  Brooklyn Bride, Bee from Wedding Bee, as well as fabulous blogging ladies from Eco-Chic Weddings, Perfect Bound,  Wedding Dish, From I Will To I Do

We were treated to a fabulous chat and show and tell with the wonderful Angel Sanchez!  He told us all about coming to NY after doing bridal couture for many years in Venezuela and the challenges and joys of designing for the many brides who he doesn't always get to meet, but who love and marry in his amazing gowns.  He 2009 line has something for every bride, from romantic to sexy and sleek. I was able to ask him for his thoughts on accessorizing Bridal gowns for the every day bride and he was up front and Coco Chanel about it- less is more.  Veils are a must for him, necklaces much less so and simple little earrings.  SHOES however, he is uncompromising about.  I also picked his brains about foundation garments, because many a busty bride has a cup that runneth over and doesn't always know the best wedding solution.  His answer, suprising me anyway, MAIDENFORM.  He said less, in terms of adornment, is more and boning is the only thing that really matters when you are trying to keep things in place!

Here are a couple of the great things we got to check out in person yesterday. Thanks to the people at Wedding Bits for having us!

Ceremony Resource

I got this link sent to me a couple of weeks ago and I thought it would be helpful to lots of you brides out there.  It's a site with tons of wedding readings- particularly romantic ones and not really religiously based.  I've found that designing the ceremony is one of the most challenging parts of the day for brides and groom and in addition to my VERY FAVORITE The Knot Guide to Wedding Vows and Traditions, this is a great source for lesser used readings.  Check them out here. WeddingReads.com

Rice Alternatives

The Q: I'm not allowed to throw rice outside of my venue.  Do you have any suggestions of alternatives that I can use to give a similar impression?

The A:  A common problem.  The rice is a little dangerous, both to women in heels and to the poor little birds who eat it.  In the past, we played around with birdseed, but it's kind of nasty and clumpy and just not that attractive. I personally love petals- even if they are just small petals pulled off of cheaper flowers- it  looks lovely and gives you the chance to do something colorful.  Bio-degradable, recycled confetti is also a great option.  My personal favorite, because it's fragrant, is lavender rice.  It' looks a lot like rice, but with a slightly purple color, and smells like lavender. It can be put into little pouches or cones for your guests to sprinkle you with.

Tip Sheet

The Q: "Thank you for posting such interesting questions and great answers! My question is what is the etiquette for tipping vendors? Do I have to tip them and if so what percentage? Do I have to tip all of them or just the ones that went above and beyond? If you can shed any light on this that would be helpful! "

The A: Yes, you should tip your vendors, though many people feel that if the vendor themself is the owner of their own business, no tipping is necessary. In those instances, I often suggest a small gift. Below is a tip sheet, with some of our general tipping guidelines- as well as our explanations! Often, I think of these numbers as MINIMUM tips, especially here in NY for photo, maitre'd and video, but remember, some gesture is often better than none!

Limo/Shuttle Bus: $20 per driver
Hair & Make-up: 15%- 20% of the total
Floral Delivery: $20 per location
Photographer & Assistant: $100, $50 REMEMBER, they still have work to do after this
Videographer & Assistant: $100, $25 same for the video
Ceremony Musicians: $25-$35 per musician
Cake Delivery: $10-25
Band Tip: $100 for band leader and $25 per musician, $25 extra for musicians who also played during cocktails.
DJ tip: $100
Elevator/freight Operator: $50
Lighting Set-up: $20
Maitre D: $100-$300
Bartenders: $40 per bartender
Banquet Manager (catering hall): Nice gift. A good bottle of wine or a gift certificate.
Petty Cash for the event for DOC: $300 in small bills
wedding coordinator: gift certificate/ small gift

Loving the Earth

The Q: "Besides recycled stationary, what are some ways that I can make my wedding day more eco-friendly?"

The A:  I got this question ages ago, but I held it for Earth Week, so apologies for the delayed response!

So, yes, in addition to using recycled invitations and moving to all online rsvps, there are still MORE ways that you can make your wedding more green.   First, consider organizing a form of group transportation for guests from your hotel block to the ceremony and reception site to cut back on driving- this will also reduce the chances for drinking and driving!

Second: decor.  Consider using potted plants for  table top decor instead of cut flowers- these plants can be distributed and planted for guests to enjoy later, vs. simply perishing! Try and buy these plants from local growers, and if you are going with cut flowers, remember to work with flowers grown without pesticides.

When it comes to your jewelry, think estate jewelry: it's in a way, already recycled.

Finally, the favors:  Consider making green donations to organizations such as the Arbor Foundation or something else geared towards the environment.  I like things like this paired with garden seeds or, these amazing papers from Green Field Papers:  you can literally print your favor message (or PROGRAM or menu cards) and your guests can ACTUALLY plant the paper! It has seeds embedded in the paper! How cool is that!!!

Shuttling around Town

The Q:  "My fiancee has given me the task of searching for transportation for our guests. One option is to utilize the hotel shuttle which holds a max of 15 people. Our other option is to hire a private shuttle service, which could accommodate up to three times as many people (but could be costly). Our problem is that we are not sure how many guests would use a shuttle service. From your experience, what is the proper/easiest way of finding out if our guests would need transportation? We would rather not ask any of our 200+ guests directly. Can you please help me?"

The A:  Without being able to ask you any questions, my gut tells me that you should NOT rely on the 15 passenger shuttle, and that 1 40 passenger doing continuous loops would work, but let's try and better assess the situation.

First:  it sounds like you have a hotel block for your guests and then you are concerned about getting them to and fro the ceremony/reception site.  Common problem, and frankly, nice of you to think about because without the shuttle, even if it's a short distance, you'll have people drinking and driving.  The first thing to think about is how great of a demand for that shuttle will there be.  Without asking each guest, I would use your hotel pick up list as a guide.  That will give you a sense of not only HOW many people will be at the hotel, but also WHO those guests are.  (I.e., do you know your friends would all NEED a shuttle, while your aunts and uncles ALWAYS drive).

I would only use the hotel shuttle if I were you if you only have about 15-30 people who might need it. Not knowing the distance between the 2 locations, you could set two times for it to make a loop (let's say 1 an hour prior to start time and the other a 1/2 hour before), but if the "early" shuttle is empty, you might have an over-crowded "late" shuttle, causing some people to be late.

If it looks like you have a mid-sized group  of people (like, 30-60) that you think will need the shuttle, you should charter one 40 person shuttle making loops with a  schedule leaving every 15 (or whatever the timing is to do a loop) from about 1 hour prior to the start time for ceremony.  Print the schedule and put it at the front desk for check in, or in your welcome bags.

On the return, at the end of the night, I think you should have the hotel shuttle loop maybe over the last hour of your reception and then consider if you want to do a larger bus for your guests to head back.

One other thought, if you are still stressed about calculating HOW MANY people will need a new transport is to utilize a "Polling" feature of a wedding website, if you have one.  Wedding Window, and a few others, have the ability to take "surveys".

 

I think the main thing is to give people the option, but also not to give an option that creates MORE confusion: i.e., 20 people trying to rush over to the ceremony in a 15 passenger bus!

Don't get too stressed! 

Disposables!

The Q: "Are disposable cameras still ok for weddings? What do you know about www.theweddinglens.com?"

The A: Personally, I find disposable cameras, at this point, to be one of biggest wastes of money in the wedding world. I am at, probably 15-20 weddings a year and I NEVER see them get used. People will shoot maybe, 1 or 2 photos and they are usually quite horrible. At this point, it's not even that they are very expensive, as much as the cost of developing them related to the reward is soo very, very small.

If the cost of 12 cameras and developing is even $200- put that towards enlargements or your album with your professional photographer.

In terms of The Wedding Lens, I think that this is a cool take on the digital camera- with no real expense to you except for the album, BUUT, I should tell you that this is a cool supplement to your photographers photos, but I don't think that anything can compare with professional photos and sending out the link to your photogs site.
However, if you want to do the wedding lens thing, I suggest a little card- even a cute design on an avery business card, could be affixed to your favors to instruct guests what to do. You can then follow up with an email through your website, etc. It can be fun!

One idea that I think is great as a take on the disposable camera trend would be mini- video cameras on table tops. However, this I think has gotten kind of out of hand in terms of costs. CVS used to have a $30 disposable video camera, that I think may have been taken off the market, but I think if you wanted to do something between a videographer and nothing, putting FLIP cameras on table tops or on some of the cocktail tables (even bettter- less tables) with instructions- could get you amazing footage of your friends partying and can be downloaded, edited to a movie and shared with everyone via a private URL link.

Park It!

The Q: "We are getting married at a Venue in Long Island City, and there isn't any official parking lot for the reception site. What are our options,other than just telling people that there is street parking?"

The A:Parking in the city is always a bit of a production. I think the first thing you should assess is how much you want to and can allocate towards this area. In order from most to least expensive, here are some suggestions. Just remember, you need to let your guests know well in advance (READ: when you send out your invitations) AND you should post this information on your website. For a parking plan to be effective, the message can't be lost to your guests.

Valet Parking: APC parking or Parking Productions will do a great job of having well groomed, uniformed valets lined up outside of your venue like a find restaurant. They will ID the nearest garage or parking area and bundle both of these services into one bill. This is orderly, convenient and apparently luxurious. It's also $$. You are paying for those bodies as well as the parking garage, but it is the HEIGHT of hospitality if you can afford it. In your invitation on your direction card you should include the statement: Valet Parking provided.

Hosting a Garage: Make arrangements with a local garage or lot and pre-pay for your guests. Estimate the number of spots you will need (usually do-able when you gauge your block and your out of state guests) and pre-pay for that number, with final bill to be settled post-wedding. In your invitation though, it's CRITICAL that you let everyone know that this is the arrangement by saying "For your convenience parking has been arranged at blah blah blah garage." An added touch is having a sign with your wedding name at the garage that says parking for blank blank wedding, courtesy of host.

Suggesting a Garage/Shuttling from a garage: This is the simplest, cheapest way. Locate a garage that seems reasonable and convenient and depending on how close to the venue, consider chartering a 30 passenger shuttle to make loops between the garage and the venue for the first hour of the night and the last hour of the night. Again, pre-planning is critical- you have to let your guests know what's what when you put your invitation together.

Finally, you can let guests know of several garages, but also that there is ample street parking near the venue.

Gracious Giving: Cool Donations in Lieu of Favors

The Q: "We're contemplating making a donation in lieu of favors. What are some good ways to let people know about the donation? Are there any do's and don'ts with this kind of thing?"- Jessica

The A: This is actually a question from one of our clients from a while ago, but in the spirit of the holidays, I thought it would be good to post this and update our answer!

First, let me just say that as my friend Mo would say donations in lieu of favors is "The New Hotness". It's chic, it's not wasteful (making it somewhat green) and it's a way, in the midst of doing something extravagent for yourselves to do something nice for others.

The basic "nice" way to do it is to simply reference it with a page in program, or as an endnote to the menu. But, nice is also sometimes boring, and it's nice to add whimsy/ specificity if your design scheme can handle it.

So,for instance, if you wanted to donate to The American Cancer Society or to The National Breast Cancer Foundation instead of simply including a line on your menu card, you could have a small card at each guests setting affixed with a Breast Cancer stamp and a description of the donation with info about the charity.

Or, a great charity that was just sent to me by a former client is Operation Iraqi Children started by actor Gary Sinise. This charity essentially looks to get school supplies into the hands of the needy children in Iraq trying to go to school. Gifts of money OR supplies can be sent, but I thought it would be soo cool to give out personalized pencils with your name and wedding date affixed to a card that tells people about your donation!

The Starlight Foundation helps seriously ill children in the United States by providing entertainment to the children and their families to brighten their days. This organization is very committed to the cause of really helping children and their families and has a 4 star charity award. If you were doing a destination wedding, it could be cute to affix info tags to starfish, or something cool like that as a token and a way to do things.

We've even seen couples have a "donation board" where couples would put out several pretty glass cars labeled with various charities and the guests could place a river rock in the jar of their choice charity.

In any case, the only "Don't"s are that I would avoid are overly political items that might alienate guests or inspire "impolite" discussions.

Wearing Heels in the Grass? Dragging Train? Catastrophe!

The Q: Dear Always a Bridesmaid:  Excuse my rather dramatic subject line.  I'm a May 2008 bride planning a wedding on the north shore of Long Island.  Weather permitting the ceremony will take place out doors on the grass overlooking the water.  I'm very very very worried about a few items having to do with this:
1.  Can I wear heels in the grass?  Will they sink in?  Will they be terribly grass stained?  What is my alternative?  The rest of the reception will be on a deck and indoors and I absolutely want to wear heels, so I can't get my gown hemmed for flats for the ceremony...help!
2.  My gown has a chapel length train.  When I walk down the aisle and it drags will IT get grass stains?  Will they show when my gown is bustled (french style)?
3.  Should we use an aisle runner in the grass?  I didn't want to - but maybe I have to?
Any insight you might be able to provide about a grass-centric ceremony would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you!
Amanda

The A:  Hi Amanda! Well, your ceremony sounds STUNNING!!!!  First, let me say that you have several options that I think could work well for you!  First, I think that you should use a runner because of the grass stains.  You never know what might stain, or worse, if there is wet grass!  But not to fear, gorgeous runners are here!  We LOVE LOVE LOVE the runners from The Original Runner Company, and with a T-shaped pin into the ground to secure the runner down, this will provide an amazing protection against grass and wetness. They are used by all the best planners!  These runners are no joke AND they come in a variety of colors and can be customized with designs, monograms or patterns. The Original Runner Co. 
So, let's talk about your SHOES!  You can't do heals on grass even with a runner.  You could either lay down wooden boards under the runner (laborious and I don't suggest you have anyone but your florist do this) OR, for a more simple consideration, What about a nice WEDGE!!!!
You don't need to wear the wedge all night, but it will enable you to have the elongation of a heel while not worrying about your heels digging through or getting caught on the runner.  You don't have to worry about flats either! These are these cute Cynthia Rowleys (3.75" heel height) that I found on My Glass Slipper. Elegant, and you can always slip into a sexier heel of choice for the reception.  I hope this helps!  

Freeze!

The Q: O M G, I heard you found the MOST amazing, instant wrinkle reducing cream?"

The A: O, I totally did! Not since I went to a Barney's event and got the Tracy Martyn eye patchy things have I been this excited about a beauty product. I had a little freak out! Saturday, Mayra and I were doing a walk through of the boathouse (amazing day here Saturday, btw) and decided to pop into Saks because we got lovely gift certificates there from a past client (yay). I walked in with a gift certificate and still managed to walk out spending a decent amount of my own money, but that's the lure of Saks for me. It's cryptonite to my check book really.

Anyway, I had a new bag under my arm and was thinking about my impending "MAJOR" birthday and the bags under my eyes when I saw it! The FREEZE 24-7 counter. I'm not a big beauty product person. I still use Oil of Olay basically, and I think I look pretty good for my age, but the impending birthday is playing a mind trick on me and late nights at weddings, etc. etc. I thought I'd try it. I SAW AMAZING IMPROVEMENTS RIGHT THERE!!!!

Before we could even tell the woman what we did for a living she was telling us how great this product is for under your make up on a special occassion like a WEDDING and how it's so much like a lotion that she, as a make up artist has put it on a few grooms' faces who over did it at their Rehearsal Dinner!

The results on my left eye were so great that Mayra tried it too and the next thing you know I was at home doing demonstrations on my husband. "Don't I look younger??"

For $115 for a 6 month supply it's a daily way to feel a little fresher and a little more firm, even if it's just to get you over the hump of your wedding stresses!

www.freeze247.com

Lucky 7's

The Q:"How Can One Have a Totally Free, Spontaneously planned Wedding on the MOST popular wedding day of the year"- Xochitl

The A: OK, so I have to tell you, I just got an email about this and thought it was so bizarre, but brilliant for the right couple! EVERYONE has been wanting 7/7/07 as a date- we've been getting calls for nearly 2 years! So many people that not everyone can find a place to have their wedding. Wal Mart is having a contest for couples who have been Lucky in Love and they are giving 7 couples a fully paid for ceremony and reception on 7/7/07. It's an essay contest. The winners get Garden Parties furnished and hosted by Wal Mart. It's a bit wacky, but sweet, don't you think? I'm a born and bred New Yorker, so I don't know that I've been to Wal Mart (what a sheltered life I've lived). Is there a Wal Mart around here? Is this like having a sponsored wedding? I don't know, I haven't really debated the cultural implications of it, but I thought it was so wacky that it made me smile!

Here's the info:
http://survey.gsquaredtemplates.com/TakeSurvey.asp?SurveyID=3K26o3KH7771K

Diverting "Day-Of" Disaster- A planning course!

The Q:"I had no idea that my wedding date would be so popular and now I can't seem to find a reputable day-of coordinator!!! What can I do to try and pull some information together to develop a plan/ checklist for my catering manager? Or should I leave this to a friend? What should I do?" -Joy in Brooklyn, NY

The A: Joy, this is a great question, even for people who maybe don't have the money in their budget for a day-of coordinator. So, this is what I suggest that you do: First, develop a timeline/ checklist and second, divide it into three parts and delegate away.

Your timeline should develop with the moment that you want to step off down the aisle. We like to to go from the moment that you want to begin and the plan out the ceremony, transportation, reception and exit. When our ideal timeline is inplace we work backwards so that we can get you to where you need to be on time. For instance. To help you put together your timeline, here are some helpful questions:

1) What time is your invite time? Do you want to start exactly at that time, one half hour later (that's pretty normal, though more and more guests seem to be arriving on time, or as close to that point as when the bulk of your guests arrive?
2) How long Do you think your ceremony will be?
3) Do you plan on having a receiving line (add about 2 minutes per guest for just you and your groom, add 3-5 minutes for both sets of parents)?
4) Are your ceremony and reception at the same site? If not, what is the approximate distance?
5) What time is your cocktail hour starting?
6) Do you want to attend your cocktail hour? If so, this may mean all your photos need to be taken before hand. If so, plan on adding 2 hours to your "ready time" and stage a special meeting spot. If not, be flexible when deciding on a location with your photographer. Travelling to too many photo locations might hold up your entrance to the dinner reception.
7) Write out all of your reception activities: all the toasts, special dances and rituals you want to have happen. Consider the number of courses and method of service that you are planning on and try and spread out your activities to keep your party moving.
8) Decide how you will be making your exit. Also decide who will take home (and where they will take these things to) gifts, cake top, your change of clothes from earlier.

When you get these major items down, look back and factor in the number of girls getting their hair and make up done, the distance from where you are getting ready to where your ceremony is, allowing for traffic and fill in all of your vendor arrival and break down times.

Send all of your prep information for the early part of the day to your MOH. She can stay on top of the schedule in the early part of the day and call the photographer if they are late, or the hairdresser or the florist with the bouquets. See if you can assign the mid portion of the day to your Best Man or a relative: this person can be sure that ceremony flowers arrive on time, that the DJ gets there on time to set up, that all your favors are out, etc. Finally, hand your reception portion over to the maitre' d. They will be sure to keep the party flowing and communicate with your MC. Remember, the kitchen, not the DJ, dictate the flow of the night- because they say when people need to stop to eat.

Don't forget to assign someone to give out gratuities. If you have a drunken best man, I say ask dear old dad to do it!

Best of Luck! It will be great!