Always a Blogsmaid

A Suitable Question

The Q: "I was hoping you all could provide some guidance.  I'm having some issues matching my fiance's suit for the wedding with the groomsmen suits.  My fiance is wearing a blue-gray Hugo Boss suit with a light cream-colored shirt and cream-colored tie.  I attached a picture of him in the suit jacket.  The shirt is not the one he'll be wearing at the wedding though -- its a bit darker than the cream color I am looking for.  Because the suit is not navy and is not really gray, I'm having problems finding an outfit for the groomsmen.  The wedding is in Miami in October at a hotel in South Beach. The wedding will be held at the hotel by the pool (the ceremony and reception are outdoors).  I thought of having the groomsmen wear a nice pair of linen pants. I've also attached a picture of the pair of pants I had in mind.  I thought I could match the pants with a long-sleeve linen shirt (a guayabera -- a traditionally cuban shirt).  I fear though that this may be too casual.  As an alternative, I thought I could just have the groomsmen wear a navy or tan suit.  My fear with having them wear navy is that it will look like I tried to have everyone match but failed.  Do you recommend one look?  Should I go with a navy or tan suit or should I stick with the linen pants?  Any advice you could provide would really be appreciated."

The A: I thought that this was a great question- I think that menswear is often a challenge.  (FYI, your FH is a real cutie- To save your fiance from having his face posted all over the blogsphere I opted to take his head out of the photo-   Here are the suit and pants in question:

Overall, I would go with the Guayabera.  I think that while it is not as formal as a suit, it creates a very Miami-inspired kind of look AND I think that the complicated color road that you are treading into with the suits is potentially too complicated. 

By keeping them in Guayaberas you are able to make them go neutral (from a color perspective) and you don't need to worry about how this will look in photos.

Remember, no boutonnieres on Guayaberas- it just looks silly. Really silly.  If you want to do something, add a pocket square.

Your degree of formality, in terms of the look of the reception will come from other guests, you and your groom and your reception itself.   

In a funny way, the better question is what the bridesmaids are wearing. If they are in long, satin bridesmaids gowns, that might cause me to second guess my decision:  because next to that the Guayabera will look a little funny.  But assuming they are in a different fabric that's more flowy and fun, go with this.

(If you opt for the suit route, I say go tan, your point about the Navy is correct)

Color Palette Quandry

The Q: "The wedding dress I bought is a blush-colored full skirt and ivory lace top. Bridesmaids dresses are Thyme (kind of a deep, spruce green)  color by Melissa Sweet, and I am struggling to pull these colors together. My wedding is in mid-September outside at my parents' home,  and my mother loves fall colors and is wanting to incorporate golds, reds, oranges, etc. I don't think those will go well with my dress, but don't have a great alternative. We also don't know if my fiancee and his groomsmen should wear khaki or black suits. Help...I think it can be a gorgeous event, but I'm confused about how to bring it all 
together. Thanks!
I attached an inspiration board with ideas I have had...the dress in the middle is mine.  I really appreciate you reading this!"

The A:  Thank you for sending this!  And your inspiration board is beautiful! As a matter of fact, I'm going to provide answers that are all on your own board already!

  I agree that your mother's classic fall palette isn't QUITE right, but I think that  there are variations of that that will work really nicely. First, I think rather than the RUST colors of fall, particularly in mid-september- think of the ROSE colors of fall- they are already here on your board- you have GOLDs, you also have mauves and lavenders.  I think that Golds and coppers with hints of rose and lavender and IVORY would be really smashing with this.    I think that bouquet on your board with the bits of lilac up on top is PERFECTION- think about a pale lilac rose, rose colored callas or even lavender vanda orchids with ivory lisianthus and garden roses and gumleaf accents for the green.  If you wanted to stick to lily of the valley for your and your beaux, the girls could carry a gorgeous mix of flowers to offset the green.

On your board, You showcase golden ivories and these great copper accents on that menu card, and I think that bringing in some metallics in your stationary could be a great way to bring in some fall. 

I think you should definitely go with the Khaki suits, because mid-september is much more fall than winter and consider an ivory shirt with a green tie like the bridesmaids' gowns with boutonnieres that have just a hint of lilac!

I hope that that helps!

Catch a Train

The Q:" I have a bit of a dilemma. I purchased my wedding gown 2 weeks ago. I fell in love with the dress instantly. I was so caught up in the moment that I didn't notice until I got home that it lacked a train. I can't imagine walking down the aisle without a train, but at the same time I can't imagine not wearing this particular dress. So, my question is: Is it possible to have a detachable train made for my dress? My dress is white satin, no designs, nothing. If so, who do I go to for this and can they match the to the gown material precisely? Help!"

The A: Well, the first thing you should do is to have the store where you purchased the gown contact the manufacturer and find out about purchasing some more fabric to match your dress AND about the possibility of them constructing the train. If they can supply the fabric, you should find out if the seamstresses at your bridal salon can create the train. Here in NY at Kleinfeld for instance, that is a de rigeur. If you can't find the fabric/ they can't create a train for you at your salon, contact a custom gown seamstress in your area who does design and the work Here in NY, I recommend Gina Perdone at Adrienne's Bridal on the LES. Depending on where you are located, she might be worth the trip: Someone like Gina can try and do a best fabric match and design a detachable train that will flow naturally with your gown. She is enough of a designer (to say the least) that she could probably recommend other kinds of trains that would complement your gown, but have a different fabric, for instance.

If none of these things work, then I suggest you consider looking for an elaborate cathedral length veil, which would help you to achieve the same effect of a train, but is much much easier to get your hands on!

Best of luck!

Miss Match

The Q: "I am soooo confused and in desperate need of wedding professional help. :) But in all seriousness, I am debating whether the decor of my recption HAS to match my bridesmaids. We all fell in love with aubergine (fancy for a burgundish purple..lol) dresses with a light gold beaded pattern.

My reception room on the other hand is completely different: black and white patterned table runners with red accents.

Will the mismatch be a big no no and throw off my guests. A confused bride would like to know."

The A: Hmmmmm. I want to tell you that it doesn't matter and that you care, because the truth is, no one will notice (except if you invited a table full of other engaged women, and their dates were their wedding planners.). BUUUT, is it the strongest choice? Probably not. I think in our fantasy bridal minds, we strive towards this "magazine" perfect, where everything matches, matches. That's awesome when it works, but as long as each portion of the day looks great, most people probably won't notice. However, let me say the following:

In terms of establishing a wedding color scheme and look: this is where your invitation starts to set the stage. The look of your wedding website and the invitation pieces and your ceremony program and decor will tell people the official theme and color pallete. So, if you are straddling the fence between two color pallettes, I suggest you go very classic with these pieces, or perhaps metallic.

Don't forget your ceremony. The ceremony is actually the first event of the day. It's also when you actually see the BM dresses. Consider having them carry red (dark red, like a deep bakara rose) flowers with a golden ribbon around them. Perhaps you have red and purple ribbon on the program.

Finally: Not having seen the dress, the linens or the venue: can you bring purples or lilacs with reds into your floral? Would that work? Just a thought to not totally abandon the look. Or perhaps the gold? Even if it's just a tiny flicker of an accent that you think people won't notice- they won't- but they'll notice that somehow "it all went together".

Fit to be Tied: Men's Attire

The Q: "So I have a question. My groom, his men and the fathers are wearing navy suits with white button downs for the wedding. The maids are wearing navy silk chiffon vera wang cocktail length dresses and silver shoes. The flowers are all shades of blush, soft green, ivory, champagne, etc.

I've been on a hunt for ties for the men, but I'm not having a lot of luck - and the only luck I'm having is happening at Saks, where, as we all know, the prices aren't exactly reasonable. I was thinking soft spring green ties, or else maybe blushy pink ties. Any suggestions of where to look? Other colors I might be overlooking?

The wedding is taking place at a beach and tennis club overlooking the water on the north shore of LI - we're talking white shingles, black shutters, tall grasses and water....

Thank you,
fit-to-be-tied"

The A: First, I love that you are as Punny as I am (it drives my friends crazy). Second, I ADORE this pallete. I am obsessed with Navy and everthing. With the silver, the pale green would look very clean and sleek. The Pink will take it more to the soft preppy realm I think- Not that there is anything wrong with that- just thought I'd give my two cents on the overall effect. If you want to make it more sleek, consider tone on tone ties, but not overall pattern. If you want to give it a more preppy look, consider stripes or one pattern. You might want to consider keeping the groomsmen in solids and maybe the dads in something a little more interesting/ varied.

In terms of WHERE to go for ties that aren't going to break the bank, here are a few suggestions. (We did this for my wedding actually - the tie thing) First, if you are in NY-or NJ, CT,TX- head to SYMS (there is also a Long Island location). My husband is in B-school and it's my first stop for cheap, but designer ties. They have a really WIDE range of brands (i.e. a discount missoni tie is still expensive, but a discount polo tie might be only $12 or $15) AND, the main reason I suggest it is that they organize by color and pattern AND they have multiples of styles. They also carry a TON of silk solid colors, which is always classy and nice with a tux.

Other than SYMS, you can try Mens Warehouse for reasonable prices, but the color schemes are usually not quite as varied. I also suggest (though not as cheap) Andrew's Ties at 30 Rock in NYC has a HUGE variety of colors, shades, patterns and more. It's a tie bonanza! (I like the pin dot tie)

As a totally sidebar, SYMS is a GREAT place to go if you are trying to dress your guys for a destination wedding. A few years ago, while working on a destination wedding with a bunch of slacker ushers, i was able to find linen pants for 5 guys in the dead of winter for like, $25 a pair!

Priscilla

Hi Ladies. 

Yesterday I went with one of our clients to look at Bridesmaids' dresses at Priscilla of Boston here on West 40th Street.  What a wonderful surprise!  The salon, which opened here in NYC last May is a WEALTH of GORGEOUS and well crafted gowns by Priscilla of Boston and Melisssa Sweet.  They range from Retro to Romantic to Glamorous and I could not get over the AMAZING construction of these dresses.  These are actually easily some of the most fashionable gowns in town as they are really based on fabric choices, and shape and really, I think, speak to some of you gals out there that want something special, but not all the beading that you might see at Reem Acra or at Kenneth Poole, for instance.  Details like Dotted Swiss fabric, braided gown straps, bolero jackets and mini-dresses had us gushing and totally distracted us from the task at hand- picking bridesmaids' gowns.  Luckily, they have tons to offer there including their "vineyard". I think the color of next year is going to be these gorgeous sunny yellows and I'm going to post some of my favs.  here from bridal and bridesmaids. 

Trying Trials

The Q: "I've gotten quotes of make-up and hair trials that range from $50 to $500!!!! First of all, how many of these am I supposed to have and secondly, what should I be paying? I don't want to spend this much money and then have to have ANOTHER expensive trial."

The A: One of my brides spent nearly $700 on hair and makeup trials before she was satisfied! Don't let this happen to you! First things first, assess you as a make-up and hair person. First of all- do you wear make up at all? Secondly, are you imagining an elaborated up do, or something more au natural?
The biggest mistake most brides make when they book a trial is that they haven't put a lot of thought into their own look prior to setting up the consultation. Everything should start with what you think you want to look like that day AND you should not do any of this until you have your dress secured- since that's the foundation for your look.

So, rip out pages in magazines of hair and make-up looks and then start evaluating people's websites. If you are very natural and you are seeing a lot of up-dos and air brushed, DON'T book the trial. It's not that they can't do natural, but they are likely to lean towards a more "done" aesthetic- save your money and both of your time. A lot of time the prices for trials are very related to the quality of make up that they are using. ASK. If you are very sensitive, or have a known allergy or aversion to a kind of make-up, you should find out what kinds of products they use and if that's exclusively.

Next, evaluate if you want the person to come to you or for you to go to them. Do you want someone who can work the whole bridal party- or do you just care about yourself (LOL, TOTALLY DID not mean that to sound that way, but it entertained me, so I'll keep it).

My suggestion is to start with the most affordable trial first- there is totally something to be said about saving some money and cheaper prices aren't always telling- this is a hard service to price and some people might be getting started in the wedding world, etc. etc. However, don't make price the only factor- you should feel comfortable, however you should be sure they are reliable. Ask not only about how many weddings they have done, but ALSO how often they have been late with brides, and how much time they suspect you will take to get ready. Your glam squad WILL make or break your timeline and can be the difference between a relaxing morning with your gaggle of girlfriends OR a stressful rush to "get to the church on time".

Sans Coursage

The Q: "As the mother of the bride am I obligated to carry flowers or wear a corsage. I think its a waste of money as i feel old wearing one.""

The A: The main reason why people have them is so that the MOB, or the FOB or whomever the special adult is can be easily identified; not only to guests, but also to vendors such as the banquet manager, the photographer's assistant, the band leader.
That said, the answer is no, but knowing that you aren't doing anything like this, if you haven't picked a gown or dress for the big day yet, you should consider coordinating with the bridal party so that you will clearly be a part of the "wedding party".
75% of corsages get tossed aside, from our experiences, so don't feel badly about not wanting one!

The Diamond Post

The Q:  What's hot in engagement rings?

The A:  SOOO glad you asked.  Everyone knows about the 4 c's, but what about the LOOK of the bauble that you'll wear forever?   

When I got engaged a few years ago, I was secretly planning and plotting for months before hand.  I was made to feel ashamed, but today things are different. Now,  WeddingChannel.com has an entire pre- engagement section with a guide to what's hot in engagement rings.  SOOOO, what is hot in engagement rings?
The Halo effect, which I think is pretty cool. "A surefire way of making your diamond look even bigger? Encase your center stone with two halos of micro pavé diamonds in a bezel setting. This double halo instantly creates the illusion of a bigger diamond and triples the shine. And, if the goal is to blind eyes, why not cover every single surface space on the ring band with sparkling diamonds? Even the prongs on today’s rings are featuring tiny pavé diamonds."
Then there is the Double Duty ring, which several of my clients have recently been getting.  "Imagine three rows of dazzling round- and radiant-cut diamonds sparkling across a wide band. With elaborate details, a broader band and lots (and we mean lots) of sparkle, these luxe engagement rings can easily masquerade as wedding bands too. Brides then have the option of choosing a completely different wedding-band style so they can switch rings based on their mood (or outfit) of the day."  I think that my own ring might qualify as well..... 

They have engagement guides, but good luck trying to tell your boyfriend to check out weddingchannel.com!  Anyway, it's filled with fun stuff that you'll enjoy, regardless! So, what if you are already engaged!  Yes, sure you are still saving for the wedding, but that doesn't mean that you can't get diamonds too!!!  Bendel's (MY FAVORITE department store in New York!) has a new line of BEAUTIFUL, reasonably priced jewelry and they are having a trunk show Today (11/29 ) through Dec. 2. The Line is called Love Rocks NY and I know I wouldn't mind having it under our tree!

The World's Greatest Bridesmaid Dress

A lot of people have been posting about the new bridesmaids lineTwo Birds Bridesmaids lately.  I am a HUGE FAN of these amazing dresses. There is a similar style done by Butter By Nadia   I first discovered this amazing dress at an event a fashion designer friend was participating in back in 2004. A former Dancer, Nadia knew about movement and about personal style and girls at this event were simply GOBBLING up her dresses (which also come in gown length).   I was just starting to get the wedding itches with my now husband, and I saw her dresses and KNEW immediately, that this is what my stylish Maids should wear. When I finally tied the Knot in September of 2005, I was lucky enough to be styled by Nadia before her dresses were being retailed at Calypso and Benny and Shaw, and only Brooklyn girls who knew about Sir had access to her.  Here is the Fabulous Dress from online and from REAL life!

I had A Cup girls and DD cup girls and round girls and skinny girls and tall and short. And it simply looked great on all of them. Each girl was able to wear it in her very own way and we accessorized them with broaches and necklaces and more.
You can find Nadia's Dresses for Bridesmaids through Barry and Shaw or at Calypso, at the very reasonable price of around $270.  I'll put it to you this way, everyone dreams of a bridesmaids dress that you'll wear again, but this is a bridesmaids dress that I actually just bought to wear!   Here I am in one of my own while at work!

Where to Spa in Westchester!

The Q:Where is a great Spa to get pampered with your mom and your maids in Westchester?"

The A: Ladies, today is my 2nd wedding anniversary and so we decided to celebrate yesterday (Sunday) since we both were free to really spend the entire day together. My husband planned a great day up in Westchester since I was there from the night prior, having worked on a wedding. We ate a picnice brunch in a park along the water in Sleepy Hollow and then we headed to Scarsdale for a massage he booked. To be honest, I was skeptical when we pulled up to Tranquility Spa, because I'm a Spnob, and I couldn't imagine a quality spa being located in a strip mall and having a neon sign outside (remember, I'm a native City girl, so I'm learning that Strip Malls have many a wonderful surprise). My exact words were, "Are we getting massaged in a waxing booth?" Well, what happened inside was an amazingly wonderful surprise (to only me, I'm sure) and I loved every moment of it.

We were greeted and slippered up and led downstairs to the lounge and changing rooms. The locker room was wonderful and had a great steam room. The lounge was comfy and large and situationed next to one of the LARGEST mani-pedi room (great for groups!) that I've seen in ages. My massage with Kristy was Fantastic and I think we both regretted not having gotten more treatments, because it made you really want to spend the whole day there. Their product line was solid and the service amazing!

With all of the wonderful new places to dine in the Westchester area, it's totally worth the trip to spend the day (and think about the body paraffin treatment!). We headed to Hastings for a river side dinner at Harvest on Hudson to watch the sunset over the Palisades!

www.tranquilityspa.com 917 Central Park Avenue, Scarsdale, NY 914.713.0066

The Ex'es New Wife: Not a Gracious Bride

The Q: MY DAUGHTER IS A BRIDESMAID AT HER DADS WEDDING NEXT WEEK - THE BRIDE THE BITCH ORDERED THE DRESS 2 SIZES SMALL - WHAT SHOULD I DO? - Gee

The A:Something tells me that you are PRETTY confident that this wasn't done in error....
Well, here is the thing, as much as you would want to tell her to go and take a long walk off of a short pier, your daughter needs to be a part of her father's wedding. At this point, you need a quick fix- you need to buy your daugther a dress that matches the dress in color tone and legnth. That is as good as you can do. You must attempt to avoid altercation with the bride, no matter how WRONG she is and you must simply deal with your ex-husband. It's horrible, it's asking you to be a bigger person, and I know it's just disgraceful that she would do that, but this is the best way around this for your daughter and for you- Drama is EXHAUSTING, isn't it? If finances are a concern, you must address this with the father of your daughter so that he can cover the cost of this new dress. The bride needs to be instructed to keep all criticism of your new, replacement dress to herself - if she has any sense at all. I hope that's helpful! I know that this totally stinks!

Physique 57: I'll be the Guinea Pig

The Q: "Do you think that there is anything to the whole "buff bride" movement?"

The A:Ladies, I totally do! I was a pilates nut before my wedding, desperately attempting to whittle my waistline to to handle the rather large waistband of my dress. (I still love my dress, but generally, I try and avoid wide waistband.) Anyhoo, I feel that most girls end up looking their best before the wedding anyway, but a shock to the system in the form of something new ALWAYS helps. So when Physique 57 sent me materials announcing the start of their BRIDAL COUNTDOWN, I was pretty intrigued!

Physique 57 is one of those things that you often here mention of in magazines involving the words Paparazzi. They utilize the Lotte Berk method, which seems like a little pilates based, sort of ballet based (I saw Barres in there, which got me excited- I wonder where my ballet box is!?) stregnth training based training system that has the women on the website looking amazing! The classes are about $30 a piece and the bridal program suggests that you take 2-4 classes per week for 1 month for noticeable results. They offer several bonuses such as guest passes for your new hubby and discounts on Make up sessions at the Bergdorf counter!

In my little packet was a 2 class pass and so Im going to be the guinea pig and I'll tell you all about it. Remember: I love fitness, so I'm biased, but I'm excited to give my review. For those of you intrigued enough to go it on your own, check out the website (and the cute logo- so Holly Golightly)
www.physique57.com

Who wants to wear a Boutonniere?

The Q:"Does the Father of the Groom need a boutonniere?"

The A: Yup! He should have one, it shows that he is a person of signifigance, aka a Wedding VIP. Other people who SHOULD have boutonnieres include: brothers who aren't in the wedding party and the officiant if he is wearing a suit. If you have room in your budget I'd also pin some flowers on readers and brother in laws as well!

Wow! Cheap and Chic Bridesmaids dresses

Ladies, I'm not going to lie to you- most of my clients spend a pretty penny on attire for themselves and for their bridal party. However, a lot of brides to be email me with suggestions on how to save money or ways to not overburden bridesmaids.

Voila! Target strikes again with the Issac Mizrahi Bridal lines- wedding gowns and bridesmaids dresses. It's a great alternative from the same old story at David's Bridal- and the bridesmaids dresses are cute. The stuff is only available online. If you are a bride on a budget or want to do something more casual for your bridesmaids, check out Target!!

Here Comes the Bridesmaid Dress!

The Q:"I have a collection of bridesmaids dresses. Some hideous, some not so much, but I just feel that I am wearing a bridesmaids dress whenever I have it on, thus making me never want to wear it in public, ever. What can I do with these dresses?" - Xochitl, while talking to herself every time she opens her closet. Brooklyn, NY

The A: This is an age old dilemma! Indeed, just last Halloween, I was desperately trying to find 2 friends willing to don the OTHER TWO cranberry colored Jim Helm bridesmaids gowns that I owned (that are nearly identical) so that I could FINALLY spend the holiday as a Supreme, the way I was meant to spend it. (Alas, no one else wanted to wear the other gowns!)

So, now that you are the Bride, we know you wont be putting anyone in anything ugly, but what do you do with your OLD collection!

May we present TWO solutions! First, the charitable one! Donate your PRETTY AND STYLISH dress for a young girl to wear to her prom! Imaging the wonderful "2nd Career" your dress could have as some young ladies gown of a lifetime (or at least of high school!) The Glass Slipper Project takes old bridesmaids dresses and matches them with wearers. www.glassslipperproject.org

Now, the less charitable one: Post your HIDEOUS Dress on People Magazine's Real Weddings: Ugly Dress Page! http://reallifeweddings.people.com/ They have some real winners up there! The site also includes space to post on how your FH popped the question!

Whose Wedding is it Anyway Question!

The Q:"Do you know the designer of the wedding dress of the bride on City Glamour in White? She was also on Whose Wedding is it Anyway? with the city councilman. My daughter lives in NYC but the wedding is going to be in Florida." -Lisa

The A:Hi Lisa! For the wedding that was at the Puck, the dress is only carried by Designer Loft, NYC and the designer's name is Jessica Zamir. You can get the contact info for Designer Loft at www.desigerloftnyc.com!

To Veil or Not to Veil

The Q: "Are there any real reasons why I should wear a veil? I feel like they are antiquated and a little pointless. Not to mention overpriced." - Celeste in NY

The A:This is an appropriate question for this time of year, my favorite time of year, Oscar Season. I say that because the only thing that seperates the modern day wedding gown from an Oscar Dress is your veil. This is true because not only has white grown increasingly popular on the red carpet, and many, many, many wedding designers (including my personal fave- who I wore- Monique Lhullier) contributing to red carpet looks with a much higher cross over of look, but also because wedding gowns themselves have grown increasingly gown like and much less "ball gown" like. Indeed, I suspect Celeste, that this is doubly true for a girl like yourself. If you are the type of gal even considering going sans veil, I'm pretty confident you aren't arriving in a carriage nor does your dress have a crinoline. It might, but chances are you have picked out something slightly sexy and sophisticated vs. traditional. And I can see that the temptation to not "mess up this gorgeous dress" with a mound of tool.

Fight the temptation and get yourself a veil! It needn't be a massive veil, mind you. Speak with your bridal consultant and consider a fingertip veil or a Jackie O style pillbox with a tiny bit o netting! Anything that says "I'm the bride" and that is ONLY appropriate for a wedding. And, more than anything, FIGHT THE TEMPTATION to rip it off right after the ceremony! Again, when you look back at pictures of your first go round the dance floor, you want to be able to say "was this our reception, or that Met Costume Institute Ball we attended?" I exagerate, but you get my point!

Veil it up! Revel in your veil. It's the "Scarlet Letter" of brides, but in a good way!

Make-up Lesson

The Q: Should I have all the bridesmaids have their hair and their make up done? I feel badly having them go through the expense. Also, I guess, I'm wondering if I should be paying for it? Is there a rule on this?

The A: You know, your bridesmaids will probably feel a lot worse when they see your wedding photos and realize that the three gals who got their stuff done look WAY better than the 3 girls who didn't. Mayra always tells the story of the anniversary party where she decided she would DIY instead of going pro like the rest of her cousins. Big mistake. Not ony did she feel badly, her family made her feel worse! "Why do you look so washed out in these photos?", etc, etc.

So, that said, I actually think the make-up is a much bigger deal than the hair, since if you want something that fancy, people might be able to do it themselves. also, I think that the Make-up is a nice thing to treat the girls too if you have the means to do so. If not though, I think making the arrangements and negotiating a group price is a fine way to go as long as you let the girls know in advance the arrangement and the cost.

Shopping Woes: Bridesmaids Dresses

The Q: I have a large bridal party and they are all over the East Coast. They are also all over the map when it comes to sizes. Part of me wants to just say- where whatever, as long as it's acqua (that's my color). What do you think? I just can't deal with all this stress.

The A:
My cousin Maria has 3 kids and my favorite thing that she says when they give her a hard time is "I'm wondering who told you this was a democracy?" That's what I think applies to BMs. I don't know where this wacky idea came from. Sure you don't need to be a total jerk and have the girls wear things that you know look bad. (that does nothing but make you look tacky!) but you should also remind them (in a NICE way) that becoming a bridesmaid is like being in the military. It is an honor, you have duties, and there is also a chain of command. They are now privates in your army. A private does not criticize the uniform.

That said, the uniform does not make any one private look much better (or worse) than any other private. The biggest guys and girls look just as nice (or camoflaged) as the most petite soldier. Everyone looks sharp and competent and neat. And these are the bare bones of a good set of bridesmaids as well. THey aren't all wearing various versions of Camo, or green or blue. They are all wearing the SAME THING. Some might be in dress suits, others in semi-formal. But they are not willy nilly.

DO NOT let them just pick a dress. One girls acqua is another girls turquoise and another girls mint green! Seriously. I've seen it happen!!!!!

Our first tip is to take the largest woman in your party and your smallest woman in your party shoppping. If your kitchen can handle another cook, be sure your MOH is there too. If you can find a dress that both of these ladies feel lovely in, you are in great shape!

If that is too hard (geography, etc) then select a manufacturer who does seperates and dresses and pick a color and a fabric. Then they can go wild! And you know it will all coordinate, but everyone will feel comfortable.

DO NOT ALLOW THEM TO PICK THEIR OWN LENGTHS! I have girlfriends who have done this and lament the deciscion every time they look at their photos. It's either a cocktail dress ocassion, or an ocassion for a gown. It's not up to the Private Benjamins, it's up to you to decide the tone you want the party to take.

On the same token. Don't be a nut about the hair and only care about the shoes if they are going to show. I'm not saying don't care about the shoes, but a simple (and please wear black shoes) will due vs. "these are the shoes you will wear" . I can say, though, from firsthand bridesmaid experience, I've really loved when the entire outift was pre-selected for me. Since I never would have selected it in the first place, it was nice not having to stress about hairstyle, shoes, make up or jewelry. :-)