Program Do's and Don'ts

The Q: I am helping my best friend’s sister plan her July 5th wedding (and will be the day-of “coordinator”), and a question came up about the programs.  Her future mother-in-law is making the programs, and showed her a cringe-worthy sample—she had listed her father & stepmother as “parents of the bride”.  The children no longer speak to or are in contact with their mother, but their stepmother has by no means taken her place (they don’t “dislike” her, but they don’t have a great relationship with her, either).  The parents of their step-mother will also be included in the “honored” wedding guests, and listed in the program.  So, what is proper etiquette for listing these family members?

The A:  Oh, the new etiquette around weddings, eh?  It's amazing what real life will do to a bunch of old and tired rules! :-)

Well, first, I think that the first thing is to not group the stepmother and dad together.  I think it should potentially avoid listing family members in groups, and rather list them in their entrance order, so for instance, first the honored guests: Possibly Alpha order with an explanation of who they are, then the names of the groom's parents with Mother of the Groom and Father of the Groom next to their names and then The bride's father and stepmother's names.  The purpose of the program is not to create discomfort in any way, and there isn't really a right and wrong way to do it.

The other option (which we've done with clients) is to simply write the processional order, so for instance:

Prelude (Insert Musical Selection)
Mother of the Groom, (Insert Name) escorted by Father of the Groom, (Insert Name)
Stepmother of the Bride (Insert Name) escorted by (Whomever is escorting her)

etc, etc.

In terms of the parents of their step-mother, I have to assume that your friend must feel somewhat close to them, and that they must be semi-surrogate grandparents, otherwise, why would she include them?  She should refer to them however she refers to them in real life- if she calls them grandma and grandpa, then the program should list them as "Grandparents" to the bride.  I think using the word TO the bride, vs. of the bride, helps make the subtle distinction that they are surrogates and not biologicals.

I hope that helps, this one was tricky....