Please Don't Save the Date: Changing a Guestlist

The Q:"Hello Xochitl, Here is my dilema, I was planning this elaborate July '08 destination wedding for about 80-100 guest. I have confirmed the date, put down a deposit , sent out Save-the-dates even ordered my dress. Well , we have now decided to do small intimate affair (20-30) guests here in NYC, I do not even know where to start, and what do we tell all the guests that have received their save-the-dates. Help!" Clueless Downtown Girl

The A: Oh, Clueless.... BAD situation..... Save the Dates are the blessing and the curse of contemporary wedding planning. Changing the plans isn't BAD (I just read a very sweet article that has a really nice story about success stories) but it's not that SIMPLE.

Because you sent a Save the Date for a destination wedding you run the risk that without notifying people, they may make plans to travel. BAD SITUATION. So, you MUST issue a written "retraction" of the save the date. Awkward, I know. Here are my suggestions.

Personally, while it SOUNDS worse, I would rather call everyone that you sent this to than figure out an awkwardly worded printed note....I would say something like: Due to unforseen circumstances (which they were) you've changed wedding plans and you wanted to alert them before they might make any travel plans. You apologize for any inconvenience that you may have caused them. When, and if, they ask "When is the new date?" or "What are the new plans?" You can say "To be honest, I think we are going to move it stateside and keep it to immediate family." Even if this is a MILD white lie, I think it's the smoothest, sweetest way to avoid hurt feelings.

If you don't think you can stomach the phone, I suggest HAND WRITTEN, personalized notes. They should basically say the above. Don't use words like "We Regret" or "Regretfully" or "Postponed". Say things like
"Dear Auntie Blank" or "Dear Mr. Blank, We wanted to send you a note to let you know that due to unforseen circumstances, Mr. Downtown and I have changed our wedding plans. We will no longer be married in Cabo (can you tell I'm still missing Cabo!) and will have a tiny reception closer to home instead. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you and wanted to inform you prior to your making any travel plans. "

Let me know how it goes.....